So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
