either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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