I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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