So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
