I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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