She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
