thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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