yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
