It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
