My first STD was from a foam party
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
