how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
