Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
