If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
