we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
