final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
