you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
