Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
