i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were destined to go to rehab together
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
