Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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