Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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