You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize