it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
