Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
