she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize