weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
