Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
