My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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