weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
