I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They took my balls.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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