you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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