Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
