Please, let me fuck your mom
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
