OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
