so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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