I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
