maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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