thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
