Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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