I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize