I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
