I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
