Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
