I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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