Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
