Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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