I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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