My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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