I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
