You just made me feel so damn special
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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