Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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