Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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