oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
