The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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