can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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