Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
