I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize