This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
